....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
