I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
