Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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