Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
