so let's talk penis.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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