Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
