It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
