i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
