Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
