The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can't turn off my feet"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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