Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your cock deserves a montage
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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