so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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