umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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