I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
