OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
