you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
