i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
