you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
