remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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