My liver just broke up with me...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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