You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
bring money and cleavage
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
