DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
