So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need moral support for this bender
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
