just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
