Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
