There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
