I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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