Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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