I wish I could punch you in the face.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
