Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im calling her cock vulture from now on
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
