Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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