Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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