you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
