There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
