Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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