Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
