so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
