This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
