I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
