I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
