I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
