Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
