sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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