I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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