how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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