The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
