I wish I could teleport
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
