: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
