i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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