haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
