Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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